I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize