Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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