why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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