Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
