so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
