Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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