I hate all girls vehemently.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
