he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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