I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
