You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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