i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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