you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
