the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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