did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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