New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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