Whod you bang
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
