Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
