if only i could text you this smell
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize