I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
