Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
