Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
