Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
