i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
