so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
