I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
