i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
