i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
