alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
