Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
