how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize