Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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