I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
