Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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