So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
