Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
