i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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