one two three fourrrrnication!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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