i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
