Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
