It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Holy shit dude........stairs
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
