i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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