I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize