used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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