Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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