I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
