Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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