I heard we made out
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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