I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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