You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think I won the penis lottery.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
well you can't waste a boner
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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