i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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