OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
