went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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