Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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