Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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