think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
