We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
