I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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