Yo dont text me then not text me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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