so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
