so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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