After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
