We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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