My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
