I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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