just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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