did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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