she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
