we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
