I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
