Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
