Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
