I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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