and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just gift wrapped bread.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want to fling myself into the sun
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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