Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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