ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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