Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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