Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize