I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?