Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
